Monday, 20 August 2007
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Ye Olde Music Miscellany
1. The following forms of sacred music make me hope that there is a heaven:
- Southern Gospel
- African American Gospel
- Bluegrass
- The way some Catholic organists play the Communion Liturgy
The following forms make me feel ambivalent on the topic of heaven:
- Classical hymns
- Modern hymns (19th century onward)
- Celtic
Emergent worship--where the lyrics sound like bad teenaged love poetry and get repeated seventeen times each, and the guy with the guitar does this really intense prayer between each song where every other word is God, as in: "God, we just, God, come before you, God, to thank you, God, for, God, being God today, God."--emergent worship makes me hope there's not a heaven, mostly because I wouldn't want to be stuck with a God who's too passive to smite somebody who'd turn his name into an interjection.
2. Yes, even good emergent worship. I'm not dismissing the genre out-of-hand. I'm just saying it doesn't work for me.
3. South Park did the best parody of Christian rock music:
Cartman proceeds under the theory that, to make Christian music, all you have to do is take mainstream pop songs and change "baby" to "Jesus." I'll bet that's been an inside joke in the CCM industry for decades.
4. The first time I ever heard Michael W. Smith was on Armed Forces Network radio in Germany when I was twelve. The song was "Somebody Love Me." I missed the fact that it was Christian; but since it was a guy singing, and all the pronouns were "he," I just naturally assumed he was gay. And when I was twelve, I was pretty OK with that. I had to become a Christian before I could learn homophobia.
5. Speaking of Christian music and its ill effects, here is what James Hetfield of Metallica said about Stryper's landmark LP To Hell With the Devil:
"It sparked a hatred that will forever scar me. I can't bear to see striped spandex jumpsuits to this day."
And because one good turn deserves another, here's a rare photograph of an authentic Stryper Bible, the kind that Stryper used to fling at its audiences during its shows:
Those guys may have been shitty songwriters, but they knew how to market a brand. And lest we dismiss branding as tacky, the Jacob narrative in Genesis is a fine reminder that God likes a man with good business sense.
(DISCLOSURE: My Hebrew lexicon has a "No Depression" sticker on it.)
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Comments (30)
(
CHORUS)
Na, na, na, na...
(RAP)
Come on everyone
There's a lot that can be done
A little love can go a long, long way
So rise to the occasion
Of a radical invasion
Don't let the world go down in flames
Fight the fire with a fire
Push it to the limit
And be a renegade
Light a fuse -- make a spark
Try to penetrate a heart
There's a burning need to fill the world with love
Love is kind, love is sound
It makes the world go round
So keep it turning
There could never be enough
Now hatred, It'll spoil the feast
That's the nature of the beast
So don't ever let your heart be swayed
Draw the sword -- slay the dragon
Get on the band wagon
And be a fighter on the Love Crusade
I totally, totally agree with #1. Amen to that.
And oh, my goodness, Michael W. Smith. Why lord why?? I remember that our 8th grade graduation song was by him; the most sugary saccharine thing you can ever imagine.
I'm not a big fan of the music myself but whatever floats anyones boat is ok by me. Except human sacrifice.
it smells like heated-up catfood in here right now.
This post reminds me of two things ...
Oh, how this atheist girl LOVES the music from O' Brother Where Art Thou. I could sing "Going Down to the River to Pray" all day. Go figure.
Also, regarding a past partial comment conversation about bible damage. I really meant my general heckling and, well, bigotry toward Christianity as a hole. I have not flushed any "holy" books down toilets or lit them on fire and thrown them at passers by (hey, that's a novel idea), although I will admit to ripping the pages out of the free bibles that they gave us in PUBLIC school and drawing black circles on them after seeing Treasure Island in second grade. Certainly, in the context of what is considered a hate crime these days, I have committed many against Christians, at least those that would be ultra sensitive to my outspoken opinion about said religion, or any religion for that matter, except maybe pantheism and theraveda buddhism.
Okay, I sort of lost my point there. Hey, did I ever tell you that when X was age 5, 6, 7 that she would hold her breath when we drove by churches? She didn't want to breathe that air. Again, go figure.
Concerning Smitty:
For some unknown reason, "Friends are Friends Forever" was relentlessly playing itself over and over in my head the other day. Out of nowhere, Smitty's voice was replaced by Freddie Mercury's...and all of a sudden, the song wasn't that annoying.
Yeah, I went to several 'emergent' churches, liking the idea of approaching church from a post-modern perspective. But all it ended up being was really bad music, and, if possible, even worse preaching. Why do they think postmodernism should equal emotional manipulation?
blargh, i must go vomit now.
I've been posting on the mess that is CCM lately and I've developed two basic rules:
1. Just because music is "Christian" doesn't mean it has to suck
2. Just because music is "Christian" doesn't mean it's any good either
Nay, THREE basic rules I have:
3. The genre of CCM itself is a dinosaur, and it's time for the tar pit. Let's just listen to GOOD music, Christian or no.
One of my favorite bands is Mute Math, a band of Christians (I like that, think I'll keep it) who sued successfully to get off the Word micro-label and onto Warner Brothers main label, via the independent Teleprompt Records. More power to em. and no, they're not going to hell now.
lastly, MissingTenenbaum -- the muppet version of treasure island is far superior. Particularly the black spot scenes.
BTW, good thoughts.
I've kind of left the praise & worship thing behind, as well. Like you said, a lot of Christian music is bad, a very little bit is worth listening to..that goes for the metal, too.
Rich Mullins will always hold sway over me, though. There's a complete lack of hubris in him and his music that you can "sense" in a lot of the Christian music scene today.